This is the eleventh in a series of blog posts aimed at capturing my experience following the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care’s 90 Day Commit-to-Sit challenge. Each day, I have been sent an email that contains an excerpt from Maezumi’s Appreciate Your Life with a brief reflection afterwards. My intention is to share my experience each week to foster discussion, illuminate the process of working on a practice, and reflecting on an excerpt that stuck with me from the week.
I have officially reached 75 days of practice. 75 days of sitting and contemplating, feeling successful, feeling frustrated, feeling here. Thank you for coming along on for the ride.
Meditation is a practice, and not all practice days are your best. As I have said before, I started writing this blog as a means to normalize meditation. To show you that it is not all “sit and clear your mind and everything else is going to be alright.” I came up against this hurdle when I started sitting years ago, feeling like there was a wrong way to do it, feeling like I wasn’t getting it. It is hard to stick with something when you don’t feel like you “get it” or that progress is not being made. I think it is hard to track the progress of mental attunement, especially when you don’t exactly know what progress means!
I have been fortunate to have been taught about meditation, both in person and in books and podcasts, by people who stress the importance of just showing up. I think that has inspired me to write this series of posts. And it has inspired the theme of this week’s post: having some guidance can be a really great thing. Now, I live in a northern town where meditation teachers are not exactly plentiful. As such, I have had to find guidance through podcasts, books, and a lot of question-asking. I have not had the perks of an in-person teacher for more than a few days at a time, but that does not mean that guidance wasn’t accessible. The internet is your friend.
The reason I have been thinking about this so much is that this week I have been using the aid of guided meditation to help me when I sit. For the first several years that I dabbled in meditation, I never sat without an audio guide. I just couldn’t sit in the silence. My mind was too loud and distracting. I found that by making someone else’s voice the focal point of my sit, I could at least anchor my thoughts to that.
Some days I feel like my mind is a wide-open plain, and as gusts of wind just keep flashing thoughts through my mind, I have no way to anchor myself and not get swept up with them.
Listening to a guided meditation helped me to find my way back. This week, I have been going through a fairly typical upswing in deadlines and workloads and have found that sitting with myself has become a fertile ground for all kinds of thinking, and not a lot of letting thinking go. After a few days of this, I decided to meditate with the guidance of an old teacher, Michael Stone, through one of his podcast episodes. The episode is a meditation of breath and lasts about 15 minutes (link here). This aid was anchor I was looking for. These kinds of guided meditations often remind you to focus on the breath, bring your thoughts back, or pay attention to the body – things that can get away from us when we are left with our own silence.
So that is what has come to me after 75 days of sitting - more acceptance of the process, more struggle, more success, more redefinitions of both. Of course, Maezumi’s excerpts have also been there the whole time. This week I want to share one of those excerpts just because I think the message is a wonderful one:
“In your daily life, please accept yourself as you are and appreciate your life as it is. Be intimate with yourself. Taking good care of yourself is always the best way to take care of everything. Then your life, I am sure, will go all right. I want you to be a truly intimate being. Beneath your robe is the same as outside your robe. Inside and outside the robe are one. There is no division. Please take good care of this life. Enjoy yourself!”
Taking good care of yourself also means accepting your practice as it is right now. Sit, breathe, enjoy yourself.
In the coming week, where can you let go of non-acceptance? Where is there room to let in some enjoyment? Is there a form of guidance that you can accept to have a little help on your journey?
Be well, friends.